Embarrassment: A self-generated torture
Perhaps the only time when people willingly give
the good part while retain the bad one is at some point creating ‘impression’
on others. Besides whether required or not everybody makes judgements about
anything they come across and as a repercussion one trait is innately found in
human beings- a longing to get recognition from others. However, an excess of
this craving can lead to complex which can subconsciously drag you to a phase
wherein you start living a disguised existence. The bad part about this is that
here you disguise and run away from your true self rather than others. A point
comes after which it is more valued by you to be esteemed by others than by
yourself; and opinions of others are considered even before you think of your
own. A common experience: during school days when you used to be late for
school you would immediately start convincing yourself that from next day you
will ensure that you are punctual. Now we will see a change in attitude, you
are working and somehow you get late for a meeting by 20 min, instead of
assuring yourself to manage time you start looking for how many people like you
are late and the moment you discover that you have company you immediately
dispel thoughts on this issue because now you are well aware that people do not
have grounds to question your merits. The idea that your value in eyes of
others is not lowered is the solace you seek and resort to in such situations.
It’s easy to observe few differences between a
kid and an adult: as one grows up the number of activities in a day gets
curtailed; thinking exceeds accomplishments. This behaviour is most of the time a result of
the thoughts that force you to avoid doing things to minimize any chance of
landing up in embarrassing situations.
People become cautious in dressing up, bad hair day keeps them worried,
not knowing answer makes them sink in disgrace, avoid roaming alone, even evade
situations that demand to be outspoken. The common occurrence in these
behaviour patterns is that people start restricting themselves. What happens:
our dictionary gets upgraded and replaces ‘shame’ with ‘embarrassment’ and with
this starts the never ending battle against humiliation. As a kid you involve
in things in a way which would make you feel good, but as we grow up our
activities get designed to attract positive reactions from people. It becomes
more important to be acceptable to others whether it is acceptable to you or
not. Finally all these gradual, unconscious changes are assimilated to shield
against any possible embarrassments. However, changes done are good if one is
convinced with it.
Embarrassment is a state on mind where you feel
that there has been a reduction in your impression quota on others. And to
avoid this people try hard to maintain their level of acceptance by others. The
easiest way to this is forget yourself and just behave and do things in a way that
will fetch you approval of others, i.e., adjust your actions to others
inclinations. One will resort to such tendency either out of fear or out of
compulsion to be regardable. In such cases fear of rejection by others is more
of a concern than what an individual approves of himself as his self-image.
With time, this syndrome gets transformed wherein like a drug addict (substance
dependent) the person requires praise to make himself feel good and he sees to
it that he certainly do things in a manner which would bring him appreciation
on which he builds an aura, I call it- Aura of Supplements. After this,
retaining the quantum of that aura becomes his priority for any diffusion of it
will make the person uneasy till he gets another dose of public approval. This
can lead to a pretentious behaviour which in other words is a kind of slavery
because you have suppressed your will and you serve and facilitate others with
a behaviour which would make it easier for them to come to a judgement of
yours- a positive one.
Best way to get rid of
embarrassments is to stop shying away and face it. Take it as just another
experience. It exists only in your mind, that too as long as you recognize it.
Confronting embarrassment means becoming aware of oneself in a way which is
above categorizing your capabilities as good or bad; it’s about acknowledging
the person you are and what you really value. Once you become at ease with this
phenomenon you evolve as a more confident being. Confidence shows the level of
comfort you have with yourself. Few trainings given in organizations like
defense consists of humiliating, abusing and literally heckling candidates to
bring the clarity their job demands; and clarity comes through confidence. Focus on development of your own rather than
being a personality which manages to gain favour. Let impressions remain the
outcome and not the sole purpose of what you do. Lastly, it’s not your concern
if somebody disapproves you or even approves you until it has some constructive
effect towards your development as an individual.
Liberate yourself from the
self-created, worthless burden of becoming an imaginary person. Put efforts to
exercise your individuality for it will bolster your sense of freedom which in
turn will boost your self-confidence. At times life is about how you manipulate
your mind to the right extent in the right direction!
PS:
People
try their best to avoid addressing an audience or crowd. Such events take place
openly where everybody has their attention on a single person and so his
foibles will be conspicuous easily. This is one of the major reasons people
have stage-fear and to avoid any chance of embarrassment they unconsciously
refrain from such activities as much as possible.
“One who is always deeply involved in what he is doing is
above all embarrassment.”- Friedrich Nietzsche
Wikipedia: “Embarrassment usually carries the connotation of
being caused by an act that is merely socially unacceptable, rather
than morally wrong.”
